By Helen Paul

As I mentioned last week, numerous individuals have experienced a significant decline due to the associations they maintain. These declines often result from unwise choices made under the influence of those surrounding them. Undeniably, fostering connections is essential for us; we cannot avoid these interactions daily. However, failing to categorize each relationship appropriately can harm one’s mental well-being. This oversight might lead to emotional wounds so severe that healing becomes nearly impossible.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, a relationship is described as “the manner in which two or more individuals or groups perceive and interact with one another.” Pay close attention to the terms ‘perceive’ and ‘interact,’ as I will provide further clarification that should assist you in making informed choices.

There are three kinds of relationships, and recognizing which type fits best is crucial; otherwise, you might make an expensive error with lifelong consequences. These classifications include ‘Relationships for a Season,’ ‘Relationships for a Reason,’ and ‘Relationships for Life.’ For example, considering someone meant to be part of a ‘Season’ relationship as one intended for ‘Life’ can lead to problems, just as viewing a long-term bond merely as temporary isn’t wise either.

An ideal illustration of a ‘Temporary Relationship’ could be seen in interactions between landlords and tenants, roommates, colleagues at work, fellow students, or members of neighborhood groups. These connections typically remain confined within their intended boundaries due to practical considerations. While it’s possible for relationships like those formed among classmates might evolve over time—perhaps becoming deeper—it should occur naturally rather than being forced. One must allow such developments to unfold organically without rushing them.
However, holding onto romanticized notions about lasting bonds can lead to disappointment. There’s an old Yoruba saying: “Twenty children won’t stay together for two decades.” Eventually, circumstances will shift, leading individuals to encounter fresh faces regularly. Imagine running as the presidential candidate; do you believe every one of your former classmates—or even ex-schoolmates—would cast their votes for you? They aren’t bound by duty to support you; it comes down purely to personal preference. In fact, some might choose someone unfamiliar over familiar acquaintances since past ties were merely based on shared educational experiences which ceased once everyone dispersed from campus grounds. Thus, these friendships often begin and conclude strictly inside academic settings.

A few years back, our renowned female soccer player, Asisat Oshoala, expressed frustration over how numerous Nigerian representatives failed to cast their votes for her during the CAF Awards. Instead, they chose someone from another country. However, fortunately for her, she managed to win the award anyway. This kind of situation can happen sometimes. Recently, a buddy confided in me about an incident that occurred involving one of his former classmates whom he bumped into at a grocery store in Ibadan. After greeting each other warmly, they decided to head to a nearby bar where they could enjoy cold beverages as they caught up on memories from their schooldays. During this conversation, the classmate mentioned that he had lost his position in Kaduna and came to Ibadan seeking better opportunities. Emotionally moved by friendship and nostalgia, my acquaintance generously provided lodging until his mate found employment again; however, unbeknownst to him, this person turned out to be a well-known criminal sought by law enforcement. Eventually traced back home by authorities, both individuals ended up detained temporarily before being released without charges after three months due to lack of evidence. Despite regaining freedom, significant losses—like losing jobs—were inevitable outcomes of such misfortunes.
The biblical directive instructs certain persons to relocate based on the belief that prolonged residence often leads to neglect and diminishing respect among peers. Therefore, consider abandoning transient friendships tied to specific locations and forge fresh connections wherever you go anew.

On the contrary, there are relationships formed for specific purposes. These are connections we intentionally create to achieve certain goals. For instance, I might become friendly with a bank teller simply to avoid waiting in line. Or perhaps I try to win over my teacher so they won’t penalize or flunk me, among other reasons. You may have heard individuals express frustration saying ‘They took advantage of me then discarded me.’ The truth is, these situations aren’t about being taken advantage of; rather, it’s often due to mistaking temporary associations meant for specific outcomes as lifelong friendships. Those people did not exploit you—they were just part of your journey towards different objectives.

The friendship for life is the bond shared with your parents, brothers, sisters, and children. Even when conflicts arise among siblings, such disputes won’t lead them to disown each other as part of the same family unit. Similarly, your relationship with your parents remains unbreakable regardless of disagreements. This lifelong commitment is predestined by fate. In contrast, this level of enduring loyalty isn’t typically seen in relationships like those with coworkers or classmates.

Brothers and sisters, it is crucial for us to carefully select our friends. You might have more than 3,000 contacts stored in your phone, yet when faced with significant difficulties, how many would you feel comfortable reaching out to? Avoid merely maintaining a large group. Surround yourself instead with individuals who will bring about constructive changes in your life.