For years, many of us grew up following a basic plan: pursue excellent education, establish a solid profession, yet keep in mind that the male figure remains the “oga at the top,” the main supporter. However, when we observe today’s women, they aren’t merely constructing ‘solid’ careers; instead, they’re establishing vast enterprises. Female leaders, technology entrepreneurs, leading physicians, and influential artists are making significant impacts. Whether in the lively streets of Lagos or within high-rise office buildings, more women are emerging as the chief earners in their families.
Although we acknowledge these achievements, a subtle query frequently remains in our minds: How are men coping with this? How is the Nigerian male, brought up in a society where the responsibility of providing falls heavily upon him, adjusting to a situation where his spouse or girlfriend earns more?
Intrigued, I have been conversing with individuals — my siblings, my companions, and their significant others. My aim was to move beyond the typical online chatter and uncover genuine insights. The reactions varied widely, much like a bowl of lively jollof rice.
Starting with positive developments, as there are many to highlight. I have spoken to men who aren’t merely managing, but are truly flourishing alongside accomplished women. They serve as their strongest supporters. A particular individual named Tunde shared, “My wife’s promotion turned out to be the greatest event for our family.” Financial strain lessened for me, and I’m extremely proud whenever I get the chance to share her achievements with others. Her accomplishments reflect ours too.” These individuals view their partner’s triumphs as mutual victories. They recognize that when one rises, everyone benefits within the household. They’ve surpassed personal pride and adopted a spirit of collaboration.
Yet, let’s face it, life doesn’t always go smoothly. For certain men, this evolving situation can be hard to accept. The traditional notion of a man being the only breadwinner runs deep. A man shared that at first, he felt diminished as a person when his wife’s earnings surpassed his. “The comments from my own relatives were the most painful,” he mentioned. “After numerous late-night talks with my wife, I realized that my worth wasn’t solely based on what I earned. She needed me to stand firm, to be her foundation.” This is where true growth takes place, dear friends. By having candid, truthful, and occasionally challenging discussions, many couples are working through these issues and emerging more resilient than before.
The aspect that fills me with optimism is the youth. Men in their twenties and early thirties appear to have different perspectives. Numerous among them were raised with working moms and view gender parity as standard practice. To them, collaboration is key. A young financier I conversed with expressed this beautifully: “Why should I bear all the monetary responsibility by myself? It’s 2025! We function as a unit. I prepare meals, she manages the finances. Both of us take turns changing nappies. It’s about constructing a shared life, rather than adhering to old-fashioned roles.” This transition toward an equal distribution of household tasks is fostering stronger connections and content families.
In the end, this represents a remarkable transformation in defining what it truly means to be a powerful Nigerian male. Manhood is shifting from solely focusing on economic power to emphasizing emotional awareness, courage found in openness, and the ability to genuinely support one’s partner.
Certainly, the path is not yet finished. There remain individuals facing inner battles, influenced by societal norms. Family events may still bring forth subtle remarks from older relatives. However, progress is occurring, with an increasing number of men showing reduced hostility.
Keep in mind that I’m not referring to men who intentionally place the responsibility of maintaining a household financially on their wives or partners. I’m talking about how men are actually responding to the increasing number of women who contribute financially to the home. I believe the emergence of the woman as the primary earner shouldn’t be seen as a danger for men; instead, it presents an opportunity to create a different type of partnership—more stable, fairer, and more satisfying. When couples communicate honestly and have shared objectives, they form a powerful and inseparable unit.
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